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Captain of Silence

Richard Anthony Spadaro
copyright © 1998 Richard Spadaro
Shhh! There's the captain mates.
He's up on the poop deck. Not a word!

He stands alone on the bridge at the helm
Commanding the crew of a ship called silence
The orders aren't clear, yet the crew must bear
Their duty in silent compliance.

The captain roars wave upon wave of obscenities
And trys to get the ship under way
Denying the crew the simplest amenities
Not one of the crew know quite what to say

Ahoy there! This is your captain speaking !
Sho lo for cospitz dunnie. Come a-loo!

Balasie rocheenee shima paddy
cashee nosa greeny thong
Trivil civil twage thwat body
Garoshe! Mi! muck moron!

Get your scabby lipped maggot eyed hoorthy faces out of the rum
Ye foul birthed, rum soaked, marble eyed hoorthy buzzards!
Shtand by the bow leens phenolthalean thnout!
Slock off on the thling line ye bozo!


Balasie lamashie smootchin shmuckers!
Siny laca burrito? Is a cata porco?
BORF! Gee ba gaba goo!

Man the hockey yards, ye greasy beaked gouls
Get aloft potasium permgonate eyes!
Get outa the rum ye shneaky dry rotted scows!!
Yo, bos'n! Leave that rum aloone!
Get aloft and a life and blow a sail
Ma la cits so feenus thwat
KUCK! Blutt bloot blarafishy fart!!

No! No! No! Sulfur breath of cospitz hoorthy
Fetch me rum ye shnot flingin, nosepickin, pepper packers!
Shwing away yer throbbin poundin porkers
Ahoy! Get off the poop deck when ye pee! Yer makin a mess!
Over the shtarbuck side of the bow with yer hoses
Garoshe!! Mini muck morons!!

Yo you yo-yo! Yo-yo row!
So no me yo-yo baramony corpus porpoise puss!
Row row dee rah rah crapp
Ro! Yo-yo! Row ruby port and shtarbuck!
Shtand by the shtern leens for a while!
Get aft the shtern with yer schwingin sausages. Bilge rat muck!!
And keep yer drippin, slobberin, goulish pumpkin faces out of the rum!!
Shwing that barrel of rum up here to the poop deck!
Then man the hocky yards!

Shweepers shweepers man yer porkers!
Shweep the ship shiny fore n aft


Hey you pirates! Remove your droolin, boogered beaks from that barrel of rum!
Fling that kegger up here, you scurvy scum!!
KUCK! Blutt bloot blarafishy fart!!
Batten down all hooths and hitches
You rotten scurvy sons of britches!!
Yo bos'n! Get yer shwingin, flickin, filthy tongue
out of that hoorthy barrel of rum! GET OUTA THERE!!!
Set all little sails first, then the big ones
Then blow ya blowfishes, blow!
Ahoy yo-yo!! You in the crows nest!
Get yer scummy hands outa yer pretty pantaloons!
Keep a good look-out for Moby Dick!
Cast off all leens and throw them in the water!
Full shpeed ahead!! Blow!!

Yimminy nicket! Haromeny fortacoma!
geeba gaba goo!
Sho lo for cospitz dunnie
Come a-loo!!!

And the captain of silence stands alone on the deck
He never got the ship under way
The crew has got up, and gone, and left
The captain doesn't know quite what to say

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