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i and The Homeless Poets' Cafe

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Elana Alice Pane
no copyright claimed

Exhausted and in pain
a new kind of tired
tired only i can feel
feelings i only know
i sit and watch you marvel at my existence
can you not see that mine is just as ordinary
mine is just as pointless as you feel your is
my reality is twisted and tainted
my soul is tired and scourged
being pulled in every direction
except where i want to go
dragged and fighting in every direction
where all of you want me to go
maybe you know what is best for me
maybe you can decipher the truth
maybe i am your disciple
as your example the flaws of my youth
tempting me to no longer be humble
as you make yourself lower than i
making me feel exalted
as i do what i think to be right
i wish sometimes they wouldn't see me
and wonder at my ways
to them i seem like an enigma
but really i am just the same
i feel pain and love
wrath and warmth
yet you treat me as I'm invincible
the conqueror of all that is wrong
yet i see in myself such a weakness
unable to be overlooked
why can't you notice my weakness
and why don't you make me feel low
help me to get past my weakness
by disgracing all that i know
for all i want is perfection
something you cannot conceive
all that i want is perfection
that you won't help me receive
your blindness is making me weaker
it is scourging and tempting my soul
making my life full of chaos
forcing me back in control
to be your picture of perfection
your vision on a pedestal of lies
making me appear perfect
but only through your pathological eyes
there are some who see these weaknesses
and do decide to make me pay
because they are the perfection
i long to achieve someday
but i know that i never will
never break free of my chains
never will you berate me
so i may learn and change my ways
never rip me down enough
to make me lose all of my pride
to make me finally feel humble and make me feel low inside

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